this morning i did yoga outside in the 90 degree heat, bugs swirling all around, sweat profusely dripping off my body…

it was glorious. i practiced for so long, zoning in on my breath, on my center, and moving so slowly that i could gauge where either of them were at most given times. i began to imagine what it would be like doing Suzuki in Toga, based off Tina Mitchell’s description the other night while we were training. the heat, the bugs, the bright and blinding stage lights, having only what one needs to survive. i have never been more ready for something that challenges me so fiercely. i felt a light emanating out from my center and reaching around the world—a battle cry of release into the unknown.

i opened my eyes and caught my reflection in the windows of the sunroom. i have never appeared more aligned in my life. it was a rare and refreshing moment when my thoughts were actually aligned with the external image.

afterwards two questions came to my mind:

1. can i move my center underneath my weight in any given moment, so that i can release my spine and keep my balance?

2. can i allow my self to move slow enough to take the time to figure it out?

One cannot understand the rhythms and meanings of the outer world until one has mastered the dialects of the body.

 ~Timothy Leary~

the Beauty of Home

  • the feel of the sunshine meeting my body
  • the smell of horses.
  • a dialogue between my Asian mother and my self while hanging laundry:
    • Sumi: ugh, the smell of horse poop. do you smell that? it’s disgusting.
    • Sophi: i don’t know…i kind of like it.
    • Sumi: you are so weird. what did i do to have such weird kids? i raised you so normal mother and you come out so weird.
    • Sophi: um, i don’t think you are very normal.
    • Sumi: what do you mean?
    • Sophi: you’re definitely not normal. you’re funny. and you raised us to be funny.
      • (Sumi looks at me and walks away.)
  • brown man-made fence surrounded by lush green nature-made enclosure
  • swimming pool shock treatment
  • an impromptu water dance
  • even the heat can’t stop this happiness

green trees
blue skies
clear water
open air.

delicious food
work with ease
feeling my body
eeding my soul.

happy hearts = HOME.

this morning Sumi and i discussed Toshi coming down and we had a surprisingly Zen conversation about how he is going to come down and surf as long as he doesn’t need to work. Sumi was making food plans and she tends to get slightly neurotic about how much food to buy, but we agreed on not needing to know and allowing whatever happens to happen. immediately after, i received a phone call from Toshi. turns out that he is leaving tomorrow to shoot a commercial in Los Angeles.

there are a lot of synchronicities here. The most notable to me are not the obvious ones, but the more subtle, beautiful, and powerful ones under the surface.

when i met Toshi in the odd Chelsea Triangle park in the middle of 9th Avenue last Saturday, we discussed the places that we intend to go in the future. i told him about my plans to go train in Japan and he said he wanted to go out to L.A.

i am not the biggest fan of L.A. i went out there to visit for a few days, staying with a friend of a friend during my post-college cross-country road trip. it kind of bugged me out that i couldn’t tell if the palm trees were real or fake and that, on five different occasions, i saw people from that MTV show The Real World, including one that even lived in the same building we were staying in. we got trapped together in the elevator and i began to think that i was under surveillance.

and everyone in L.A. kind of looked the same. i felt like i was on some alien planet (built for a movie set) and that i crash-landed there but wasn’t even able to be cast as background for the film.

that said, i have friends who i love that are out there now and they are thriving and happy. so i open myself up to the possibility that there may be something deeper going on behind the scenes.

i think for Toshi, he could really do well out there. as Asian people creep into mainstream media more and more, he fulfills many specific types and looks that people would love to employ.

for me, instead of going somewhere fancy like Japan or L.A. in the immediate present, i came home to visit my parents—to extend my love affair with nature and to return full circle to my roots after my amazing journey across the globe. i had invited Toshi down so that we could go surfing, being that my parents live by one of the better surf spots on the East coast. it seemed like an obvious connection and a way to continue embracing the spirit of Bali.

but as you now know, Toshi is not coming because he is going to L.A.! the fates had something entirely different in store.

i feel there is great magic in this. when we say we are going to do something, resolve to do it, and then let it go and take us where it will—i have no doubt that something wonderful is going to come of this.

perhaps our red threads are not just connecting us to others, but to something greater than just our selves. there is a reason that we use our voices to say things. because perhaps, when we acknowledge our true desires, they have a greater possibility of being true…

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Written by lobsterbird