The Event of a Thread – Day 5

as artists, and as human beings, what kind of space do we create?

Space for the Voice

“It’s an empty city block…And wanting to make the place that everyone can be in and join the work in some way. And thinking about: What are those experiences that allow us to fall open to something? What allows us to become receptive? To pay attention? And all of the modes of attention that we can form…The responsibility of thinking about the nature of public gatherings and what are the opportunities to gather in public? How do we retain a sense of our individual presence and yet join to something larger?”

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Event of a Thread — Day 2

working a shift at night is a totally different feeling.

you would think that i would be used to it, having worked in bars and clubs for so many years that i can’t even count the number on both hands. but even after all this time, it is still easier for me to get it together and get to places on time (early, even) in the morning. at the end of the day, i struggle. perhaps it’s due to the accumulation of energy. maybe depending on how you use it during the day, you’re either slower and more tired, wanting to crash on the couch or you’re amp’d up, full of life and want to expend some of that energy being with your friends and letting loose. while i’ve mostly lived a life of the latter, it feels that these days my body craves the kind of life where i am up with the sun and resting when the creatures of the night make their debut.

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:: Manifesting My Passions ::

on November 21st, i had a rehearsal in my apartment with Sameer Parekh of Falkor Systems and his flying robot, Ary. while getting reading for them to arrive, i found this:

TED Invitation

three years ago i put this post-it note on my desk. on that day, i realized why we have dreams.

Sameer invited me to come and be a part of his TED talk! okay, so it’s TEDxSiliconAlley, but it is a step in the direction of so many dreams—speaking at TED, dancing with robots, you know, the usual. no small order, but it helps to reaffirm my deep belief that we can all dream big and make those dreams our reality.

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on Beginning Again with Nothing to Prove. Grad School, Year Two.

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on Loss, Death, and what's on the Other Side.

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:: walking down Marlborough Road in Ditmas Park makes me remember some of my dreams growing up ::

when i was little i always wanted a room with a cushioned bench by the window, so that i could sit there and look out and dream. safe and cozy, and still connected to the outside world.

later i envisioned another window, the kind that certain old houses have jutting out of their façades. multidimensional shapes built into and out of traditional structures. in this window i put a writing desk, unconventionally situated to look out of many windows with different perspectives. if this area had three windows, maybe i could look to the East and the West and find some balance in between.

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:: the process that i go through writing this blog ::

DMunk and i affectionately joke about my never-ending ability to be “meta” about everything. (and you better believe that when i found out that WordPress has a Tag Cloud above a section called Meta, i revel in staring at this cloud and seeing what shapes emerge.)

but i haven’t really gone very deep with the process of writing this blog. maybe because it is inherently about process that it seems redundant to do so. but then i hear these little words repeat themselves and i realize that i channel these words often when creating new work. in Saratoga, Anne Bogart told us that when she directs SITI Company, a common thing she says when something is cooking is, “could be more.” to me, this means: it’s good. keep it. and where else can it go?

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coming back to New York is difficult. i have been here a day and a half and already, i am overwhelmed with meetings, work, emails, rehearsals, and more. it comes down to this obsession with time. how can i find enough time in the day to do all these things and do yoga, Suzuki, clean my apartment, learn Japanese, read, fix my broken shower, play the ukulele, and take care of my cats and all of the others in my life: my “otters”? i start to hate New York City because she is not like Bali or my parents’ house or anywhere else.

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:: On Escapism ::

it is one thing to go to another place because it is calling to you. it is another to go to a place because you don’t want to be in the one that you are currently in.

i know because i have tried to do it.

i tried to go to Berlin. i tried to make that happen. and i got thwarted. (most notably by my self.)

my proposal wasn’t truly honest. it was in the sense that i was saying that art here is over and i want to go to the place where it is present and to figure out why. but my proposal was unclear because i wasn’t being truthful with my self about what i was running away from here. and staying here (being here then, being there now), i now know the difference between escaping and following. seeking vs. finding. making things happen vs. allowing them to. running from one’s self vs. facing our true selves.

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“Be Here Now.”

i remember these words taped onto the wall behind composer Gerald Busby’s head as we interviewed him for This is My Home: Voices from the Chelsea Hotel.

as he immediately won me and the rest of the gang over with his charm, presence, and the inner light that he exudes with every word and every breath that he makes, i have often come back to that mantra that he holds in his sight on a day-to-day basis.

and so hearing it again on this day, i stayed at my parents’ house even though i was supposed to leave earlier with my sister, Alicia. because, well, i am here now. i was torn about going back to NYC—i have so many obligations to take care of, things to do, people to meet with, and cats to take care of (namely my own). but i mistakenly have someone watching them through today because i was confused as to when i was returning. (i have to wonder, is there any such thing as a mistake? then i remember that Everything We Do is Right.)

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