:: Manifesting My Passions ::

on November 21st, i had a rehearsal in my apartment with Sameer Parekh of Falkor Systems and his flying robot, Ary. while getting reading for them to arrive, i found this:

TED Invitation

three years ago i put this post-it note on my desk. on that day, i realized why we have dreams.

Sameer invited me to come and be a part of his TED talk! okay, so it’s TEDxSiliconAlley, but it is a step in the direction of so many dreams—speaking at TED, dancing with robots, you know, the usual. no small order, but it helps to reaffirm my deep belief that we can all dream big and make those dreams our reality.

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:: walking down Marlborough Road in Ditmas Park makes me remember some of my dreams growing up ::

when i was little i always wanted a room with a cushioned bench by the window, so that i could sit there and look out and dream. safe and cozy, and still connected to the outside world.

later i envisioned another window, the kind that certain old houses have jutting out of their façades. multidimensional shapes built into and out of traditional structures. in this window i put a writing desk, unconventionally situated to look out of many windows with different perspectives. if this area had three windows, maybe i could look to the East and the West and find some balance in between.

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this morning i did yoga outside in the 90 degree heat, bugs swirling all around, sweat profusely dripping off my body…

it was glorious. i practiced for so long, zoning in on my breath, on my center, and moving so slowly that i could gauge where either of them were at most given times. i began to imagine what it would be like doing Suzuki in Toga, based off Tina Mitchell’s description the other night while we were training. the heat, the bugs, the bright and blinding stage lights, having only what one needs to survive. i have never been more ready for something that challenges me so fiercely. i felt a light emanating out from my center and reaching around the world—a battle cry of release into the unknown.

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::: On the Way Home :::

the New Jersey Parkway is so green that i almost feel like i am on my way to some warped version of Bali. maybe i am, in a way, if i am traveling to another place that feels like home…

i used to have this weird conflict of language usage that would happen whenever i would go and visit my parents. i would say, “i’m going home.” i don’t know that i will ever stop calling it home even though i don’t live there anymore. i grew up there from birth until i left to attend college. it was a happy home—a place that allowed me to grow into the being that i am today. but when i would tell my sister (or others) that i was “going home,” they would be unclear if i meant home to my parents’ house or home to my NYC apartment.

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Toshi and i have been friends for 7 years now. we met in Voice & Speech class when i first started acting school at HB Studio and he just moved to the U.S. from Japan. we were friends at first sight even though we never officially hung out that much outside of class. but i believe that we shared a connection and mutual respect for each other’s talents and spirits, and despite wanting to work together, the chance never came up.

we kept in touch super loosely over the years. you know, via Facebook, or seeing each other at shows that we or our mutual friends were in. that was, until about a year and a half ago when he insisted that I audition for the Wind-Up Bird Chronicle.

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:: Day 6 back in NYC ::

today is a new day—a more musical one! the birds are singing alongside the hip hop blasting down my block in Brooklyn.

i woke up at 4:30am and despite some initial annoyance, i decided to channel that energy into a more creative one. i already did some freewriting, logged my weirdo dreams from last night, responded to emails, mused about future travels, cleaned the bathroom (after ensuring that the cats used the toilet properly), wrote a new response piece blog post, and all before 8:45am.

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for most of my life, i had this issue that i thought was a problem: it is really hard for me to focus on one thing at one time.

in school, i had an equal passion for English, Science, Math, History, Photography, and Art classes. they all engaged me in learning. and despite feeling dorky, i liked that.

in sports, i couldn’t just play one thing and excel at it. i had to dance, do gymnastics, play tennis, softball, soccer, field hockey, lacrosse, run track, and i even played “Powderpuff Football” the year that i found out it existed. when i heard that there was a girl on the wrestling team at Pinelands High School in the neighboring town, i begged my parents to let me try out. it wasn’t very often that they flat-out refused to support my wild interests, so i let them have that one. i started skateboarding instead. i tried out for the bowling team, but didn’t make the cut. woops. so i joined the intramural volleyball and swim clubs in my spare time. (which, given this list, i am wondering how i had any of that.) when i got older and started hanging out with the surfers, i would go out whenever someone would let me use their board. i loved to be in constant movement in its myriad of forms.

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:: Day 5 in NYC ::

it is raining. i am not sure that i have a job anymore. i am buried in a pile of applications, forms, and logistics. my cats are following me around and acting like i starved and abandoned them…and then came back with two new cats. i want to be doing something creative and i find myself doing everything but.

and yet, i feel hopeful and productive and so to congratulate myself on overcoming jet lag and the many obstacles that i am facing on my return home, i make myself a homemade Bubble Tea that brought me so much unexpected joy yesterday.

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:: Fourth Day Back in NYC ::

you can imagine my excitement when, in a jet lag-induced depression, i remembered that the Health Food Store around the corner sold Tapioca “Pearls.” so i decided to take my happiness into my own tired and slightly hallucinating hands and decided that i would make my own!

over two hours later, and in the process of steeping some tea, i realized what an utter failure this whole mission has been.

1. not all Pearls were created equal.

: not Large. and not for Bubble Tea.

2. even if i did have the right Pearls, i didn’t have the right Straws.

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