i have landed on this planet, i believe it is the present moment
:: 13 hours of tech ::
went something like:
wake up at 7am. try to blog and time travel all at once.
have awesome complimentary hotel breakfast with the birdies
shuttle to the Esplanade at 9:30am.
try to be exactly where i need to be in any given moment—including but not limited to: being onstage for tech, being backstage on my computer, releasing into the floor for my body, being in the wings with the Esplanade crew to work through insane transitions/quick changes.
lunch at mall food court. delicious and creepy.
dragonfruit juice. yes.
more of being where i need in the moment. including all of the above plus: eating Malay/Chinese hybrid sweet treats brought to us by the amazing man who works at the theater (must find out his name), brief bouts of bodywork for fellow cast members, manic running back and forth in the ginormous backstage area, tending to broken legs and souls (both human and puppet), smoking a much-needed cigarette with Bob.
ouch. body hurts.
karada kowaleta – “broken body.” an appropriate expression for today.
we eat “Canadian pizza” and Greek salad with our hands.
cracking up over our current state of affairs. ibuprofen and a backpack full of Wind-Up Bird Chronicle DVDs.
come home to Hotel. hot shower. deal with my hair. sit in front of computer and try to make sense of my life. start to fall asleep with fingers hitting the keyboard. (again.) fail to make sense in any major way. acknowledge that i must prepare for a dress rehearsal/opening night tomorrow. Panic Face? no, sleepy face.
giving over to others, mostly. or trusting in my self. and gravity. or all three at the same time…
in Wind-Up Bird, it is becoming clearer and clearer who is driving each scene. in the aquarium it’s Kumiko—it’s me, the puppet, and Ai in harmony. or rather, Ai, the puppet, me. that feels better, less pressure. and when i do that, when i give over to whoever is driving each scene, i get to go along for the ride. it becomes an adventure that we go on together. and at each stop we get out of the car and we let someone else take the wheel…
it is true what they say (whoever “they” are)…starting is the hardest part.
so i will just try to be exactly where i am right now, in this moment, and go from there…
rip off that Band-aid…one, two, three, go!
i am on the brink of ending my first year of grad school. i have one more final exam to take—naturally it happens to be the hardest class for me and we just got it today. it’s Max, the computer programming exam. i am dreading it, even though i know it will be fine. (why do we do that to ourselves? or am i the only one?)